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The thoughts I'm about to write is purely out of desperation. A sort of frantic desperation and the need to be heard. These thoughts, you can call them just plain random thoughts. They may not really make sense to you readers who walk past my blog. They may in fact quite incidentally sound unmatched, unlikely, abstract or strange. Nevertheless they're my thoughts. And they have evolved out of my innermost system of belief.
As I sit and begin to introspect myself (which I hardly get to do these days due to the busy life that I lead unfortunately), I realise many things. Things that I've never known about myself. And before I could forget them (quite strangely), I wanted to put them down in here.
To begin with, I have noticed that I am changing. Or you could perhaps call it the word-Transforming!
Transforming into something more or something better or something newer. To my surprise, this change is happening at a phenominal speed of almost everyday! I am not sure if this used to happen previously, or if it is just the way I have started to think. I guess it really must be me, maybe I have become a little more attentive to myself lately. Maybe I really have started to observe myself more closely. Well, I'm not sure. But I feel good about this change. I feel like I'm growing.
I have many problems in my life. I have many complaints. I have many insecurities. I have several regrets (which for the first time in my life i don't wanna deny). I have failed in my relationships in the past with people. I have not always kept my words. I have not always achieved what I planned. Sometimes I run out of money. Sometimes I fight with my very inferior feelings. Sometimes I underestimate my very own capabilities. I have made some disgusting decisions in my life and have repented them later on. I often mis judge my beliefs. Sometimes I fail to recognize when success falls at my feet. And even while I'm writing all this, I might be probably missing out on remembering so many other things that I failed to do.
But after all this, what matters is that I am begining to re-live my life, inspite of the several inconsistencies. And while I'm still changing, I am a contended person. I am transforming. I am free. And I am loving it.
I am 25 yrs old. I am almost single. I am independent- financially and also otherwise in some ways. I own a fancy job title. I am earning decent enough to support my family, to shop and to save. I am attractive. I get plenty of attention from the opposite sex (sometimes it brings about a nice feeling). I am creative -in my thoughts, in my opinions, in art and in my sense of dressing. I like the way I move and carry myself in crowd. I love watching cows-(yes, cows! wierd as it may sound but I don't mind saying it loud. For some reason I think they are a lovely creation and the most beautiful of animals I have seen. They look so pretty through my eyes.)
Life is just not about counting your inconsistencies but also knowing all the good things that we have. And that's why it was important for me to write stuff that I wrote above.
There is so much more I want to do. Life is beautiful. Each day smells good. Each days looks good. Each day reminds me of goodness. Each day speaks to me.
Yes, life is beautiful and there is so much i wanna do. I want to study further. Maybe do an MBA and also study cooking. I want to work as a chef in a hotel abroad. I want to settle in a western country (particularly because of the order and systems prevelant there). I want to travel around many places with beautiful locales. I want to adopt an asian kid (particularly chinese or a korean or a taiwanese) I want to be married with a family. I want to have a great married life. I want to own a bakery that makes lovely croissants, gateaux and muffins. All made by my own hands. I want to own a library. I want to own a book shop. I want to sit by a Christmas tree. And do so much more. These are probably just a handful of thoughts of all the things I want to do. Just like a handful of sand amidst a whole shore. But yes, I want to live this life inspite of the inconsistencies. Because it's a beautiful Life.
It indeed is a beautiful life! It feels great that I'm the chosen one. The chosen one, by none other than the GOD himself.
Yes! This life is beautiful!! I will live it as much as I can...
7 comments:
Thanks for your posting and have a nice weekend.
I don't know you David. But I would like to thank you for going through my blog and reading my post. :)
Finally now I can tell you the secret that I have been holding within me for a long time. The transformation you are going through is a perfectly normal one and this is what you are here to do. You are here to go on an inward journey, right to the center of your soul. Feel the feelings buried deep within you and not be afraid to accept them, feel them, touch them, taste them...I am glad you have started your journey. If you need help, guidance, or just someone to talk to, you know I am always there. I have been through things which I can share with you, and by sharing, I can also continue my journey of learning.
Lots of Love!
Thanks indeed my friend. Nothing feels better than being understood what one's been going through within. I am beginning to know that I'm not the only one caught up in this battlefield of mind where thoughts struggle, collide and at times even crash. Thank you for the assurance. It feels great to have someone so close to me. Love ya loads :)
the transformation u were talking bout is more than just the change in your thought process and the way u look at things....judging by what u wrote its more of a journey towards the centre of ure existence and to love yourself no matter how crappy circumstances are....coz life is both good and bad.
Hey..
Before I say anything... you re almost single? I was under the impression that you were committed! (Dont mistake me, i am not getting any ideas :P if you understand what I mean ;) )
Now to the issue at hand.. Rids, I absodashsolutely dont know whether I can comment on this. Its a bit controversial, and I dont know, what I might say may affect your current state. So all i am going to say is that somethings are better not said.
All I can tell you at the moment is, in life we always have a choice. ALWAYS! As J K Rowling put it "Our choices show who we truy are"
In our society, we have two choices.. One, live the way you wish too, if thats what matters to you the most.. The second, choose the path tread by others, its already ready. May be you do not have to drive thru the path. You can use it as your runaway before you soar. I am sure you can, however, its you who ve got to make a decision.
I wish the very best for you in every decision you take.
Cheers,
You Know Who!
(The Technomaniac)
the first anonymous msg is by me
tc.....prajwal
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